Update!

Not a ton to say...

The treadmill is great. I think I am going to log my miles this year for the fun of it. (I am sure I will forget, but it sounds fun in theory!)

The eating went really well last week. I am still so frustrated that I can eat well for 6 days, take one day off, and gain all of the weight back... is that humanly possible? I get so frustrated, and go into an instant funk. I have got to stop weighing for awhile I think. That is all there is to it.

Such a boring post, but trying to stay accountable!

D@#n You Holiday Cookies!

Well, God must be granting me some grace this week. I really have had some steps in the right direction... but last night I had to bake 7 dozen batches of cookies for a holiday cookie swap tonight. Then I started thinking, why?

Why am I subjecting myself and family to all of the delicious sugar that we call a Christmas cookie? I made them. I tasted a few, but overall... I've done much worse. And tonight I am going to bring 72 beautiful, delicious bits of love into the house. Then what?

Laying in bed last night (my head didn't hit the pillow until 2 am) I was thinking, "I just won't weigh in the morning." I've decided that I need to give myself a little breathing room for mistakes... but my obsessive personality got the best of me, and I still lost a bit more weight yesterday, even after a couple cookies. (This is not permission to eat 72 more!)

Now, I just need a plan for all of those cookies...

PS... Treadmill is being put together as we speak!!!!! With a late night tonight, and a busy day tomorrow, I am so excited to see how this goes. I am ready to put the plan into action.

How is Today Going to be Different?

It's been a good week. I don't want to raise my hopes too much, but this time it does feel different. Maybe I was ready. Maybe I hit rock bottom. Maybe having a support system helps...I know that for sure.

So after my blog rant Sunday afternoon, I thought a lot about changes. Besides myself, what was keeping me from meeting my goal.

I identified 2 things that I needed to change:

1. They always so to go into your day with a plan, and I realized that I had no food plan each day. I was waking up hungry, trying to get kids ready for school, etc, etc, and I just grabbed anything. Same story second verse at lunch. By dinner I had blown my meal non-plan out the window, that dinner and snacks didn't even matter. So here is my plan: On Mondays, I am going to fix a really LARGE healthy meal. (This week I made a chicken, black bean, tomato stuffing of sorts that I have been putting on a whole grain tortilla.) I take the LARGE meal, eat it once for dinner, and then I have leftovers for lunch the rest of the week. Then, when in a pinch, I have something to fall back on.

2. The gym has become a problem. The first time I lost weight, I was just there... all.the.time. I am having a hard time with that in my head. So look what Santa brought me:

It's AWESOME!!!!! It is being delivered on Friday morning, and I really hope on cold nights, or early mornings I can grab a few minutes on it. I still plan more time in the gym. Now I just don't have to spend all my time in the gym!

So there is a quick update. Thanks for your kind words. I didn't realize it, but I have missed this.

Nothing Witty

At this point I don't really know what to title this post. Nothing cute or witty comes to me. That's just not my mood about all of this. I have gone down a dark road the past year or so, and it has come back to bite me in the ass. If I am an addict, I would call this a relapse. If I were on Biggest Loser ever, Bob Harper would be beating my door down for some "Where Are They Now?" specials to rip me up one side and down another about how I have gained some (too much, but not all) of the weight back, and asking me how I was going to change.

I NEVER thought I would be here. I thought I was stronger and more centered than this, but I am not. In fact, what I am quickly learning about myself is that I have no balance in my life. I go and go and go until I burn out. I am the person who will not let you down... case in point... I was up until 3 am on Thursday fulfilling commitments to others, then getting up 3.5 hours later to not let someone else down...leaving myself too exhausted for "me".

So what happened? Well, anything I write from this point on is merely an excuse, but it is also my reality... So, in May of 2010, my dad became ill, and I spent many days in the hospital watching him die. I ate... cafeteria food... comfort food... really bad for me. He died, and before leaving the hospital me and a group of people stopped at the cafeteria "one last time for cake and pie". At this same time I lost many of my workout buddies (whatever, I have no comment on this...if you can't say anything nice, don't say it at all). By the time the dust had settled, I was hanging on by a thread. I trained for my half marathon, and the goal helped me, but when that was over, things just fell apart. For the next few months my motivation would waiver back and forth until I broke my foot in June. 14 weeks in a cast did me in. I started seeing things differently, and I began to feel hopeless. (I know... this post is not a bag of sunshine)

That brings us to today. I have never lost sight of the feeling of being thin again. I want it. I really do. I still weigh every morning, but instead of glee, I cry. Then I try to change things, and I fail...

I would love to call this a re commitment, a rebirth, a renewal of vows to live healthy, and exercise, and to change (again), but I don't know what tomorrow brings. I think I have to do the three things I have been dreading the most though:

1) Admitting this to myself and my friends... as if it's a secret that I am fat again?!? In my head it's like I am hiding, but I know everyone knows.

2) Writing my first post on here again: I think this is hard to admit to so many people who cheered me on.

3) Returning to the gym and the things I love to do. I know I will be talked about behind my back. People will gasp internally, then politely ask me how I am or tell me they have missed me. It's tough knowing that will happen, but I am going to have to put on my tough skin and move forward again. Going to the gym the first time was hard. I was the fat girl, but I transformed, and people watched that... I am dreading the return, and I hate myself so much more this time around.

I can't change if I keep letting these fears hold me back. I can't keep burying my fears, and worries in food... hoping it will all go away. It won't. So there it is. Still nothing witty to say. I am just going to hit publish now, before I hit delete... which would be much easier.

Have you tried these?

You should. Love them!

Orange Crumb Chicken

I give my friend Heather ALL THE CREDIT for this recipe. I changed mine quite a bit. Mostly because I am a horrible planner, and I realized as I was making it that I did not have everything I needed. If you want her original recipe go here. Otherwise, here is mine. It was d.e.l.i.c.i.o.u.s!

1/4 c Naked Mighty Mango Juice (original calls for OJ, but hubby drank it. The naked juice was very thick and stuck to the chicken well... plus it has TONS of good stuff in it!)
1/4 c Spicy mustard
1/2 tsp salt
some chopped white onion (to your liking)
1 roll of Whole Wheat Ritz
2 lbs of chicken breast (believe me, you will want leftovers!)

(I know Heather, don't have a heart attack... it's different! I didn't intend for it to be. I'm just a horrible cook. Thank goodness for forgiving recipes, lol!)

1. Combine the juice, mustard, salt, and onion.

2. Mash your Ritz into crumbs. I used a food chopper, and it worked really well.

3. Dredge your chicken in the juice/mustard mixture. Be sure to coat it really well, and get some onions to stick to it.

4. Place your chicken in the Ritz crumbs and coat the chicken well.

5. Place in 9x13 baking dish pre-sprayed with cooking spray.

6. Bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes, flip the chicken over, and bake for another 15- 20 minutes.

7. Enjoy!

Here's the nutritional info:
This is per 3 oz serving of chicken- recipe will make about 10 servings
Calories: 123
Fat: 2.9g
Cholesterol: 53mg
Sodium: 374g
Carbs: 5g
Sugars 1g
Protein: 19g

The Only One Who Thinks You Can't

is you!

We are our own worst enemy. It's true. We hold ourselves back, second guess, doubt, and diminish our best selves.

Today I put the rubber to the track and took off running. I have not run since I completed my half-marathon in October. I have continued to struggle with stress, and weight, and time commitments, etc this winter until I kind of feel like I reached rock bottom. It felt SO good to run.

Here's the sad part. I didn't believe I could run anymore. I kept telling myself that because I had gained weight since the half I was to heavy to run, and that my body would not tolerate it. I was allowing myself to fail before I even tried... and we ALL know I can run. Good grief, just 6 months ago I ran 13.1 miles. So I thought, just run a couple of laps, then stop. Get your foot back in the game...

I ran 4 miles! My first day back on the track and I ran 4 miles. Guess why I stopped... my NEW shoes frickin hurt. I really believe I could have gone farther, but I was gaining blisters in several places, and there is no point in putting myself in that much pain. I ran 4 miles! I am so stoked.

All I can do is encourage you to know who you are. Know that you are stronger than your mind will often allow you to be. The road may be long, the muscles may ache, and no one said it wouldn't be hard, but it is ALWAYS worth it to be stronger and healthier. So get out there and do 1 thing today that you think you can't do, because the only one who thinks that is you!

PB2

It was brought to my attention that I have not posted in a couple of weeks. Sorry! I have had a couple of things on my mind, and wanted to share them... it's all about food!

1. My good friend Sherrie and I were talking about Peanut Butter in the locker room the other day, and how much I LOVE IT. She mentioned adding powdered peanut butter to my Shakeology drinks. I had never heard of it! A couple of days later, she brought me a jar to try. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!! It is sososososooooo good, and the nutrition labels sell me for sure.

Here is a comparison of the 2 Peanut Butters (2 tbsp serving size)

PB2 (Powdered Peanut Butter) ............Natural JIF
Calories 45 ................................................190
Fat 1.5g....................................................16g
Sat Fat 0g...................................................3g
Sodium 94mg.............................................65mg
Carbs 5g......................................................8g
Fiber 2g.......................................................2g
Sugar 1g.......................................................3g
Protein 5g....................................................7g

A couple of things to mention:
1. PB2 tastes wonderful. (I should be getting paid for this ad!) I eat it just like regular peanut butter. You rehydrate it with water, and spread it like any other.
2. Because it is so low cal, low fat, etc, I actually use a double batch of the PB2, so although the protein content is a little lower, it's actually higher for me because I eat 4 tbsp. This still works out to be lower cal, fat, etc in the end. Imaging getting twice as much P on your PBJ : )

If you want to read more about it check it out here.

Finally, the only way you can get PB2 (in my area anyways) is to order it online. It comes in cases of 4 or 12. I will be honest in saying, I think I could eat 4 jars in less than 3 months, but if someone wants to go in and try a jar, or to split some, let me know by tonight!

Just Chill

So I am starting to chill a bit on my weight. Here's what is going on. I run this vicious cycle on myself: eat perfect, exercise a ton, lose weight, eat something bad, sulk, sit at home, gain weight, sulk, sit at home, eat more crap...

It's actually a trap that many dieters fall into: see here. I am definitely one of them.

So I finally realized, I need to do the right thing as much as I can, and relax about the rest. That is what I have been doing. We have been eating at home more, and I am working out when I can which allows me to more easily to stay withing my daily calories.

It's going great! The weight is coming off again, and I've had dessert every night this week. So much happier this way.

Lean Into It

So my eating habits have most definitely evolved over the past 2 years, as has my lifestyle. One thing stays too much the same though... our grocery cart.

I seem to be stuck in a rut of processed foods. I will say that I take a lot of care picking our processed foods...that's an oxymoron if I've ever heard one. However, I really do stand there and try to compare the calories, fat, fiber, protein, sugar, and sodium in each item to choose the least evil, and I lived with it...

... Until yesterday. I had some time in this fab weather we're experiencing to catch up on Oprah, and she presented a show about being vegan. VERY INTERESTING.

Oprah allowed her staff the opportunity to go vegan for one week to see how it impacted them. Nothing astonishing, some weight loss, some weight gain. She showed a beef slaughtering plant, and how beef is made... gross, seen it before.

Here's what I did take from this:
1. Why don't I buy more whole foods? I enjoy them, why don't I try shopping at a whole foods store for them?

2. Why does America (myself included) feel the need to eat meat SOOOO much, sometimes at EVERY meal. This brings us to meatless Mondays. Oprah decided that she and Harpo studios will be going meatless on Mondays, I am going to try it. (Brian is not pumped!) Our consumption of beef is minimal at best. I can't tell you the last time I purchased ground beef... probably 2 years ago. We do ground turkey for items such as chili, spaghetti, etc, but I am willing to take it another step further and work to eliminate turkey when we can also... maybe some tofurkey or something.

Am I going Vegan? No. Vegetarian? Nope, but I will "lean into it," as Oprah likes to say. Let's just see what happens.

BTW, as I was researching this a bit more, THIS website was posted today as an option for finding responsibly raised meat and animal products in your area. Take a look. Lean into it.

And Then She Snapped

I've been really struggling with my weight over the past couple of months as most of you know... if you can't tell by my posts, then surely my waist has made it clear. A case of the blahs, the holidays, and just being sick and tired of needing to lose a little more weight can do that to you.

I knew I had made a transformation in my life because each time I would notice myself regressing, I would claw at it just enough to not become the old me. I had been fighting this battle since my dad became ill...

... Then two weeks ago, I snapped. It happened right before our mini-vacay to KC. I can't say I did fabulous on the trip, but 2 hours at the hotel gym, and pushing plates away prematurely surely helped.

When we got home last Monday night a spark was ignited like old times. I woke up Tuesday ready to go, AND SICK AS A DOG.

I ate really well Tuesday, and lost 3 pounds (mostly water weight). I couldn't workout, yep, that sick, so I ate well again Wednesday. Three more pounds gone. This continued throughout the weekend (I was actually able to workout again after my knight and shining armor called my doctor behind my back and got me antibiotics) and I continued to lose weight.

The weekend included Pina Coladas, birthday cake, chips and salsa, movie popcorn, etc. It also included salads, egg whites, veggies... The difference, a new frame of mind. I don't need it ALL. I will have the opportunity to eat this again.

So, I lost 8 pounds this week, and I am REALLY happy with that.

Here's the lesson I hope to share through all of this: When you are working on ANYTHING that is difficult, and you have a success... celebrate it (in a healthy way), and then work to have another small success. Last week each time the scale dropped a bit,(or didn't go up), I congratulated myself, did a happy dance, and worked to do it again the next day.

Baby steps.

Dump Cake

I recently learned a new dessert recipe and have been wanting to share it with you. I wanted to have pictures, but the first time I made it, it was gone in about 10 seconds, and I have not had a good excuse to make dessert for 10 since (and we would probably eat it ourselves if I did make it!)

Here's what you need:
2 large cans of sugar free cherry pie filling
1 large can of crushed pineapple in it's own juice
1 box of sugar free yellow cake mix
12 tbsp of some type of low cal butter (i use Smart Balance with Omega-3)... it doesn't matter, most butter is evil :)

So simple:
Spread your cherries on the bottom of the pan. Layer the pineapple over the cherries. Dump the cake mix over the fruit. Place the dollops of butter evenly around the pan on top of the cake mix. DON'T MIX ANYTHING TOGETHER. Place in the oven at 350 degrees, and bake until your butter melts over your cake and it starts to look crispy.

So calorie count has been changing their website, so i wasn't able to do my normal nutrition form, but I did figure the calories. I will try to remember and update this when their site is up again.

Makes 12 servings
Calories per serving: 209
Trust me it's worth saving 200 calories for! Yum!

A Good Friend...

... stays on the elliptical for another 50 minutes just to keep you company, even though her workout is technically done
... makes sure you really want the calories of another piece of candy or jalapeno popper
... asks you to make her your "fitness project"
... watches you
... texts you to see why you haven't been to the gym (even if the excuse is legit!)
... comments on your blog posts
... encourages you

This list could go on forever. The point is I have a lot of really good friends and fitness buddies out there. I've had a really good week getting my eating back on track, but illness is keeping me at home a lot. Still losing this week though! Thanks to any of you who have offered any type of love or support during this journey...

So tomorrow night at GNO, I need a good friend to keep me from eating all the chips and salsa. Thanks in advance, friend!

Back to the Basics

Losing weight is not easy...if you complicate it. I have complicated it for myself. I am still under my current dreaded weight, but I just seem to keep sabotaging myself. I am sorry to those readers who used to find this to be a cheery blog about a girl who was losing a ton of weight, but here's the truth.

1. I haven't lost any new weight since my dad got sick.
2. My desire to spend my events at the YMCA has been low. I've been getting in about 4 days per week...I need more like 6!
3. I need a fitness buddy bad. I have always had someone around me to push me, someone who I felt like cared whether or not I had over-eaten or under-exercised for the day..
4. I saw a picture of myself today and did not like what I saw.

Here is how I see the glass half-full:
1. Although I have not lost any new weight, I am still 70 pounds less than ever, and I weigh 10 pounds less than last year at this time.
2. I still know how to do this.
3. I have lots of amazing weight loss tools to use.
4. I have an amazing and forgiving body that remembers how things should be.
5. I still have a strong desire to change, and to never be who I was again.

So, back to the basics of weight loss:


1. I will log my food daily at www.calorie count.about.com They have an amazing and free website!
2. We will eat at home at least 5 nights per week. I will go back to the old-standby of bagged meals and veggies.
3. I will get to the gym 5 times a week whether I like it or not... I will also try and find one new class I like...maybe Zumba again!
4. I will find a new fitness buddy... Buddies for hire!
5. I will work to minimize my weekend splurges... More fancy salads, less comfort food and dessert.

How are your new years goals going?

5 Sneaky Ways to Lose the Pounds

So here are 5 simple or sneaky ways to lose weight...

1. Exercise for 10 minutes 3 times a day... Squats while you are showering or drying your hair, not just taking the stairs, but taking them quickly, a brisk walk during your morning break. Squeezing in shorts bursts of cardio can burn calories. Minutes of burn are minutes of burn, no matter how you time them!

2. Don't drink your calories. Soda: 120 calories, juice: 80-120 calories, vodka... You get it :). By Not drinking your calories, you could save literally hundreds of calories per day.

3. Workout while you watch. Did you know that during an average 1 hour television program, there will be 20 minutes of commercials! Instead of sitting there (or fast forwarding through them), try squeezing in some jumping jacks, squats, lunges, free weights, or crunches.

4. Skip one thing. Instead of eating your full meal, pick one item on your plate,and leave it behind. Leaving your dinner roll behind could spare you 150 calories... Just don't leave the veggies!

5. Try 3 bites. Instead of forgoing dessert all together, try 3 bites of it, then let it go. Most cravings can be squelched in 3 bites. Then you don't feel guilty, and your waistline doesn't suffer!

Have any good tips to share?

It Feels So Good

So day 3 of "the end to chaos", and I am happy to say that I feel great. I wish I would remember how good I feel when I am totally on. I wasn't even "perfect" today, but that is ok. That's what I have to realize. That's what we must all realize... Instead of a resolution, or a diet, there has to be change. One foot in front of the next.

I thought back to the first days when I started losing weight, and I remembered something that kept me motivated on a daily basis. I hope this tip will help you...

I loved reaching "a new low" each day. Each day I would weigh in, ( my scale weighs in tenths), and it didn't matter how much lower the scale was, I just wanted a new low. To see the scale go down boosts your confidence, and pushes you to go farther. Some days I would lose one tenth of a pound, other days a full pound. Just work to make small steps each day to move the scale down.

My next post I will discuss the small changes we can make to lose weight.

And A Happy New Year

I love the new year. For me, it brings this renewed sense of spirit. A sense that I can change, be better, be different. The truth is, that is not far fetched. I have experienced the change and the difference, so I know it can be true.

HOWEVER, I DO NOT LIKE NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS. They feel like a diet to me. You make one, keep it a few days, fail, it's over.

I feel like I have enough going on in my life to not add new stress to it. The holidays brought chaos to our home which made it's crescendo on Christmas Eve with my husband throwing up for hours while I pulled an all-nighter to spend Christmas morning exhausted on the couch. Blah.

My go go go lifestyle causes my children, my finances, and my waistline to suffer. I will not create added stress for myself. I should cap all of this by saying that I love the holidays. I love my life, what I do, etc. I just run it into the ground.

So I just want to get back to the basics this year. To make things more simple. I will take time for the lifestyle change I created 2 years ago. I will take time to make lunch and dinner for my family instead of driving through. I will take time to workout and not feel guilty. I will cut out the excessive and enjoy 2011.

There you have it. No major changes here. If you are looking to lose weight or get healthy this year, I think you have found the right place. I plan to continue to post new recipes, tips, and tricks to help you along the way. Is there anything you would especially like to discuss in the new year?